Love And Attachment

Hi friends, today I would like to brainstorm on this topic. Do you know how to differentiate between love and attachment? I had read a short story somewhere. Although I don’t remember it exactly the brief was like this: 

A couple was living a happy married life for 7 years. On their 8th marriage anniversary, a reporter asked the secret of their happy relationship. The husband replied, “Well, it is a long story. To cut it short, my wife loved her horse very much. One day while riding the horse she fell down. She said to him,” It’s your first time”. Then this happened twice more and the third time she shot that horse dead. The reporter did not understand.” How does this relate to my question?“ The husband continued, “And then once I failed to follow her orders and she said, “This is your first time”. And since then we have been living happily together.” 

What Is True Love? 

Although the above story sounds funny, do you think that husband would be really happy? We are mistakenly taking the meaning of true love as pleasing the loved one all the time at the cost of our own pleasure!  Now I know, some of you would say “Love is sacrifice”, “Love is to make the other half happy”, “Love is to give priority to your loved one always”, and so on. But hey, let me ask you one thing, Can you really love a human being without expecting anything in return? even without expecting love and respect?  Not a single person on this earth can love you that much unconditionally. True love does not expect anything in return. You just love for the sake of love. And finding such totally unconditional, unselfish love in today’s world is like finding a sugar particle in a cup of tea, do you agree?

What Is Attachment?

Now look at this incident. One girl was crying because her precious wristwatch was lost. Her friend consoled her saying “It’s okay, you can buy another one”. But that girl said, “No, it was not an ordinary watch. It was a gift for me from my boyfriend.” 

What does this say? You get attached to a thing or person or even a pet animal through feelings. Even I used to be very possessive with my belongings like my books, my vehicle, my car, and even my best friends. But now when I realized that I am inviting sorrow by being so attached I stopped being possessive.  

We think possessiveness is a form of love. But it is not. The base of attachment in a relationship is either selfishness or fear of abandonment. Attachment gives birth to expectations and enforcing them on loved ones. Would you be happy bound in that invisible trap of expectations and selfishness?

Why Love Is More Welcome Than Attachment?

Attachment gives rise to sorrow whereas love gives you happiness within. It takes effort to be detached from something or someone. We all know what Arjun says in Bhagavad Gita in its 18th chapter, “Nashtomoha Smrutirlabdha” which means being free from all worldly attachments. When the false knowledge and doubts about attachments to relatives, Gurus, and brothers were totally gone Arjuna became ready for doing war. And still, why do we consider attachment as a form of love? Attachment creates bondage and love sets you free. That’s why now we hear about the word ‘space’ in relationships. Everyone wants his or her own space. 

It Is Love That Makes Your Relationship Stronger

A butterfly dies when you hold it tight by fingers but when you just keep your palm open it sits softly on it with its colorful wings. The same thing applies to relationships too. If you try to hold on to anyone with an urge to fulfil your expectations you will probably lose that person. But if you set your loved one free he or she will hold on to you. And if not, then that relation itself was not for you. Because being free and letting others be free is the key to making the love bond stronger. Strange but true. So, either way, you don’t have to feel sorry or worried. This is detachment. 

Analyze Yourself – Is It Love Or Attachment?

Now, having said all this, let’s check whether yours is love or attachment. Take this test with the following questionnaire:

1. Do you feel the fear of your loved one leaving you?

2. Do you feel hurt when he or she does not fulfill your expectations?

3. Are you possessive about your loved one?

4. Do you try to please your loved one even at the cost of your own pleasure?

5. Do you feel angry when he or she neglects you?

If the answer to every question is ‘yes’ then it is an attachment. You need to start making efforts to learn detachment. And my next question is  – who do you think can give the answer No to all the above questions?

Yes, you guessed it right. Only God can love you so much unconditionally and selflessly. He never stops loving you even if you have committed any sins. God only showers His love and blessings. I have experienced God’s love through Rajyoga meditation. I always recommend people to go for it. You can only feel it when you experience it.

Cherish Love and Leave Worldly Attachments

To summarize, if you want to be a benefactor to yourself and others, give selfless love because that is the biggest power to win one’s heart. There is a very fine line between love and attachment but now you can distinguish between them right? Now reflect on your relationships and take action towards converting attachment into selfless love. Always keep this slogan in mind – “Give Love and Get Love” 🙂