Is It So Difficult to Forgive?

Hello friends, do you have any person in your life who has hurt you in some way and you are finding it very difficult to forgive him or her? Maybe, this story will help you.

There was a man who was very arrogant towards everyone. All people were avoiding talking to him. Then came a gentleman who was very soft-spoken and kind. He spoke to this man very kindly and compassionately. The arrogant man was first very rude to him but soon he melted with the man’s gentle behavior and finally he asked that man, “I am behaving very badly with you and you still are so good to me. Why? Don’t you feel angry?” That gentleman smiled and answered, “Why should I feel angry when I have the choice to be loving? I always choose to be happy in any situation whatever happens. Because I know everything on this planet is temporary. Even your rude behavior also.”

The man got impressed with his answer. He then revealed the reason why he was so arrogant to everyone. Long back, he was cheated on by his very best friend and he lost the trust and belief in all humans. He thought that every person on this earth is selfish and will betray him in some way or the other. The gentleman told him that he should not judge everyone from one experience. Holding on to a grudge is like holding burning charcoal in your hand with the intention of throwing it at someone else and you are the one getting burned. Just forget and forgive. Everyone will anyway get the fruit of his own deeds.

This short story conveys the message of the importance of forgiveness. But do we really forgive everyone who has hurt us in some way?

Why Forgive

I remember a story of two best friends I read somewhere. While walking on a beach they had an argument and one friend slaps the other. The friend wrote about the incident of slapping on the sand. Later, all of a sudden, the friend who was slapped got drawn in a big wave and started drowning away. But his friend saved his life by pulling him out. The friend then wrote this incident on a rock. The other friend asked why he wrote on the sand first and then on the rock. He replied, “Because the negative feelings about you will get washed away like the writing on the sand by the waves. But when you do something good for me I want to remember it for a lifetime. That’s why I wrote it on the rock so that it will not get washed away”

To forgive is the key to happiness. It tends to let go of any negative feelings that otherwise might disturb your mind. After all, you don’t know how long you will live on this earth. Then what will be the use or meaning of your grudge and hatred once you die? Why not leave a good impression on people’s minds after your death?

Who to Forgive First?

What do you think? Whom should we forgive first? Isn’t it you who allowed the other person to disturb you in the first place? If it is your mind then the choice is yours – to feel bad or remain calm. But we often depend on others to make us happy or sad. As if we have given our remote control in their hands. Isn’t it absurd? If you remain neutral no matter how people behave with you will there be the question of forgiving anyone?  So, the moral of the story is – to forgive yourself first.

Apologize

Also, it might also be the case that you have hurt someone unknowingly. So, it is your duty to apologize to that person. If you cannot say sorry directly then say sorry through your thoughts from the bottom of your heart. The vibrations of your thoughts will surely reach that person and you will see that the person has forgiven you. Believe me, it really happens. Our thoughts have that miraculous power.

How To Forgive

Okay, if you still are not ready to forgive that person, here are some tips or ways to remove any grudge or hatred from your heart.

Remember Good Traits of His/her Nature

You must agree that every person has good and bad traits in his/her nature. Any human on this person is not fully evil or fully gentle. So, if you value your relationship then you must remember the good traits of the other person and ignore negative things. This does not mean you should not try to notify him/her about his/her wrong behavior. But you should be very compassionate and soft while making the other person understand. Otherwise, it will lead to clashes and quarrels.

Make a list of the strong points about why you love or appreciate that person. You may even write a letter to that person and keep it to yourself. And then while reading those points again you might tend to forgive that person for one wrong behavior.

Understand the Cause Behind The Effect

If anyone behaves wrongly with you then first try to understand the reason or root cause behind it.  Maybe, the person would have been forced to behave so due to the situation. You can put yourself into his/her shoes and introspect whether you also could have behaved in the same way. Once you understand the cause and effect you will be compassionate towards him/her. Won’t you tend to forgive then?

Forget It If you Cannot Find The Reason

Well, if any person is just trying to torture you or trouble you without any reason then there is no point in arguing. Just remind yourself that you might have troubled that person in your earlier life and your karmic accounts might not have settled yet. So, just think that now your karmic account is getting settled. And be calm. After some days, the person will stop troubling you.

If Possible Try To Go Away From The Person

This is the last option. If the person is continuously troubling you and trying to provoke you then it is wise to stay away from the person. After all, your peace of mind is more important, right? So, if it is possible then try to stay away from that person. Not because you are weak, but because you value your peace more. Move on and then forget about the incident forever. Just remember one thing, everyone has to repay his/her own good or bad deeds. And it is very accurate. No one will escape from the fruit of one’s karmas. So, just forget, forgive, and be calm.

Conclusion

So, on a concluding note, you can do this mental exercise. Visualize all the people that have hurt you and you want to forgive them for your peace of mind. Try any one tip from the above and enjoy a happy life. 🙂